Tuesday November 20, 2018

 

When couples allow their expectations to shape their marriage, they create a debt to debtor relationship that looks more like a contract between two people than a covenant between the two. A contract is self-serving and is meant to guard one’s personal interests, a covenant on the other hand, prioritizes the relationship and values the interests of the other person. In a debt to debtor relationship, no one feels that they are good enough, and slowly but surely the expectations that come with the contract drown out the love and joy. So, what can you do in order to enter into a covenant relationship? Denying your expectations will not work. But, if you place your expectations back into the category of hopes and dreams you are on your way to creating a covenant relationship, a far better approach to marriage. To get there, you will need to voluntarily decide that your spouse does not owe you anything and you owe them everything.

 

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.– Ephesians 5:21 NIV

 

The first step to building a covenant relationship is mutual submission. Mutual submission means that you prioritize your spouse’s wishes and desires above your own. This is a radical departure from the way that most people conduct their marriages. Think for a moment and imagine how this approach would eliminate conflicting expectations. Instead of arguing for what you want or instead of becoming upset because you are not getting what you expect, now you are voluntarily seeking to fulfill your spouse’s hopes and dreams and your spouse is looking to fulfill yours.

 

This is what mutual submission looks like for the wife:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. – Ephesians 5:22 NIV

 

Remember that it is mutual submission; everyone is equal in the relationship. This a description of what mutual submission should look like. For the wife the goal is to prioritize her husband’s wishes and desires as though she was doing it for the Lord even though he is nowhere near being a lord. Not because she has to and not because that is what her husband expects. No, because she voluntarily chooses to enter into a covenant relationship in which she values her husband’s hopes and dreams.

 

This is what mutual submission looks like for the husband:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…  – Ephesians 5:25 NIV

 

The husband is to prioritize his wife’s hopes and dreams above his own by making his goal to love his wife just as Jesus loved the church. Who is the church? The Bible calls the church or the people who make up the church Jesus’ bride. Do you know how much Jesus loved his church? He loved the church so much that he gave up his life as a king and became a slave, and then he died for the church when the church was far from God, even when the church was in enmity with God.

 

The goal is mutual submission, a covenant relationship and not a contractual one; a relationship in which the hopes and dreams of each other are the other’s most important priority, a relationship in which there are no expectations and in which all debts are cancelled.

 

Heavenly Father, help me to enter into a covenant relationship with my spouse. Today I want to tear up the contract that has placed so many expectations on our marriage and instead I pray that we may enter into a covenant relationship. Today I am committed to cancelling the debt caused by my expectations; I am exchanging them for hopes and dreams and I am making my spouse’s hopes and dreams my number one priority. Thank you for loving me, and please help me to love the way Jesus loved. In His name I pray, Amen.