Friday November 16, 2018

 

If you have ever been married, or if you plan to one day, standing at the altar you will have a clear picture of what your marriage will look like. Each one, both man and woman will create their own image of the marriage and it will be based upon their hopes and dreams. And standing at the altar, in an instant, those hopes and dreams will become expectations, expectations that the husband will unload on his wife and that she will unload on her husband. It is the weight of those expectations that pushes out the love and the joy that brings us to the altar in the first place. Because, as a spouse you will never feel like you measure up to your spouse’s expectations of you and you will never feel like you are good enough. So, what do you do with your expectations? I do not suggest that you ignore or deny them because most of your expectations are God-given desires.

 

 

One of the problems with placing your expectations on your spouse is that everyone is different; we all have a distinct upbringing, distinct circumstances, distinct set of problems, and distinct joys. That is why at times we don’t feel as though we measure up to the expectations that were placed upon us the day we got married. To complicate matters even further, there are times when our expectations collide. When expectations collide some choose to distance themselves and leave. Some choose to impose their will in an attempt to change their spouse. Some surrender to try to keep their spouse happy. Others negotiate, attempting to create a scenario where both win some and lose some. As you probably noticed, each one of these approaches to marriage has a downside. So, I will ask again, what should you do with your expectations, with your God-given desires?

 

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. – Ephesians 5:21 NIV

 

This verse is among the most counterintuitive verses in the Bible, “submit to one another”. No one’s expectations are more important than the other’s; both the man and the woman are equal. That is the non-controversial part. The controversy is that mutual submission means that my goal is to place my spouse’s expectations equally or above my own. It is so controversial because if the goal is to meet our spouse’s expectations, how will we ever meet our own?

 

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. – James 4:10 NIV

 

May I suggest that you look to your creator to fulfill your expectations, the desires he has placed in you. But, before you do, you will first need to identify your expectations in your marriage. Here is a simple question that will help you do so: what do I feel like my spouse owes me? The answer to this question will reveal your unfulfilled expectations. The second step is to take your unfulfilled expectations to God. This is easier said than done, doing so will require that you place your faith in God. Let’s face it, it may be difficult but give it a try, if you are patient you are going to be pleasantly surprised that God does exalt anyone who humbles themself. So, submit to your spouse, identify your unfulfilled expectations, and trust God.

 

Heavenly Father, I thank you for the desires that you have placed in my heart. Today I surrender to you all of those unfulfilled expectations, my desires, hopes and dreams so that you in your perfect will and timing can fulfill them. I commit to submitting to my spouse, to honoring them, and to putting their unfulfilled expectations above my own. I humble myself before you Father, may you be exalted above all things, I put my hope and trust in you alone for only you can satisfy the desires of my heart. Help me to be a better spouse, one who does not expect but that gives for the sake of love. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.