It’s Not What I Expected

Tuesday January 23, 2018

 

I can still remember the time, when as a young man I came to the realization that God truly existed. I had no doubts; God had manifested himself in so many tangible ways that there was no denying his existence. I can still recall walking all the way to school and back in total amazement thinking to myself: Wow! God really exists! I could not get the thought out of my head. Immediately following this, my deepest desire was to be wherever I thought God would be present, a home service, church, or at a park where Christians were gathering. There was something so irresistible about being in His presence it had me amazed. Soon however, my amazement would turn into fear. Suddenly I was extremely afraid of God. I remember countless pastors, preachers, teachers, and church attenders and how they would talk about a judgmental God. They closed their message with a warning to watch out because God was watching me. The problem was that God was everything I was not; he was perfect and I was imperfect. God was holy and I was a sinner. Little by little, as a result of this, my desire to draw close to God turned into a continual quest to avoid him and to hide from him. The same religious system that lead me to God, was now distancing me from him; but once you have experienced God, it is hard to stay away and so I learned to follow him but from a distance.

 

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. – Hebrews 4:16 NLT

 

It was after many years that I realized that God’s perfection and my imperfection were not mutually exclusive. My sin and my imperfection were the reason God sent his son Jesus to die in my place. It wasn’t my imperfections that were distancing me from God it was my erroneous perceptions of who he was. God was not looking to punish me for my sins, instead through his tender mercies he was looking to forgive me. God was not even looking to judge me for my inconsistencies, rather through his graciousness he wanted to mold me into the character of his son Jesus.

 

Sadly, the truth is that presently I am still imperfect and I am still a sinner. I am not sinless, but by the grace of God, I sin less. One thing that has changed however, is that when I sin, I do not have to hide from God or worse, I do not have to pretend to be someone I am not. I can boldly and without fear of being judged, come before his throne knowing that his promise is that he will always grant me mercy and grace. Mercy forgives me of my sins and his grace helps me to get through the mess I’ve made.

 

Questions

 

1. Be totally honest, on a scale from 1-10, how deep is your desire to enter into God’s presence?
2. How does your good or bad behavior influence you drawing close to God?
3. When you take into account your good deeds or your sins, what do you honestly expect to find in God’s presence?
4. How does knowing that God will be merciful and graceful to you change your perception when it comes to spending time with him?
5. Do you presently schedule consistent and systematic time to be alone with God?

 

Prayer

Dear God, despite my imperfections, my inconsistencies, and my sin, I come boldly before your throne where you have promised to meet me and be merciful and gracious to me. I desire to draw close to you and to be more and more like Jesus. Thank you for your goodness, for your mercy and for your grace. Amen