Monday November 19, 2018

 

Men and women arrive at the altar with a lifetime of hopes and dreams in the making. Then, in an instant, all of their hopes and dreams are transferred into the category of expectations the moment they say, “I do”. Seems reasonable, but there is a problem. Once the hopes and dreams become expectations, without realizing it and in an instant, the marriage becomes a debt to debtor relationship. Now the groom is responsible for fulfilling the bride’s expectations of marriage and the bride is responsible for fulfilling her groom’s expectations of marriage. A debt to debtor relationship wrecks the marriage by squeezing out the love and joy that lead to the altar in the first place. Because, in a debt to debtor relationship no one receives credit and no one feels appreciated because everyone is simply doing what they are supposed to do.

 

A debt to debtor relationship is a contractual agreement between two parties. God however, never intended marriage to become a contractual agreement. God intended marriage to be a covenant. Contracts and covenants have a lot in common, both are meant to be an agreement between two parties. But there is a big distinction and it makes all the difference in the world. People enter into contracts in order to protect their personal interests, needs, their wants, and desires. Contracts prioritize each of the parties’ personal interests A covenant on the other hand, prioritizes the relationship and it values the interests of the other person. In a covenant, the person’s main focus is their responsibility instead of their rights. In a covenant marriage each person has rights but their priority is their responsibility. In a contractual marriage, the expectations or personal interests of each party are prioritized, and the weight of all those expectations eventually ruins the relationship.

 

In my opinion, most marriages today represent a contractual agreement rather than a covenant agreement as God originally intended, because in the marriage everyone is looking out for their own interests. And, although most of them truly love their spouse, in spite of that love they find themselves in a miserable marriage because they entered into a dead end contractual agreement in which each one is looking out for their own interests.

 

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. – Philippians 2: 3-4 NIV

 

A covenant approach to marriage is based upon placing the other person’s interests above one’s own. It prioritizes your spouse’s wishes and desires above your own. You may think that is impossible. Let’s be honest, this is what you did to win your spouse over. If you start to practice that again, like you did before you got married, you have a very good chance of winning them back.

 

Heavenly Father, thank you for my spouse. Today I ask that you help me to be faithful to the covenant I have made to love, honor, to cherish, and to conduct my marriage as you intended. You thought of me when you gave your son as ransom for my sin. I want to follow that example and prioritize and love the way you love, I want to give up my rights for the sake of my spouse and my marriage. Father, let your word be true in my life, and let me follow the example of Jesus who gave it all for the sake of love. In his name I pray, Amen.